A recent discussion amongst members centred around negative thoughts and being preoccupied with them. The question to which we sought an answer was how do we cope with the thoughts and how do we deal with the preoccupation. It seems that the level of distress correlates with both the perceived severity of the issue that gives rise to the thoughts and our inability to control the preoccupation. The more we can't see a way out the more stuck we feel. Our need to break free from the mental anguish remains unfulfilled and, the longer this lasts, the more despondent we get.
One of the members explained that their coping strategy was to allow the thoughts to play out but to actively engage in doing something that would provide comfort or pleasure at the same time. Eating food, not necessarily due to feeling hungry, but to feel the comfort it provides was one such strategy. Another was to fantasise about different scenarios in relation to the situation causing the distress. If our boss at work has been rude or demanding, or our partner has been hurtful or abusive, a coping strategy might be to enter a dreamworld of our own making where we "get them back" with a vengeance!
If, in our fantasy, we're hurling abuse at our partner, but this is all in our head, then it still stays in our head! It then occupies a space that could be taken up by thinking about something more pleasurable or less challenging which in turn would allow us to experience positive, happier feelings. This is unless the fantasy is some sort of catharsis, in which case we are deriving a cleansing of negativity which has the effect or appearance of pleasure. It's some sort of masking mechanism. It seems to be the same with comfort eating. It could be the double quarter pounder with cheese and large fries provides an adequate level of pleasure to mask some of the discomfort of negative thoughts. It's temporary respite though, isn't it?
Someone commented that one of the most courageous decisions we can ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting our heart and soul. Perhaps though, in order to get to a point where we can feel ready for such closure, we need to first endure the emotional pain. If we don't, it will stay in our system unresolved, like a massive clump of molten lead weighing us down and clogging us up. We need to go through a period of processing what has happened, to work through all the positive and negative flickers of realisation, the "eureka moments", and to come out stronger than when we started.
If someone or something has caused us turmoil in our lives we can't in a flash just banish the anger, despair or sadness that has been created; we are not a light switch! The initial pain is simply the start of a journey, possibly long distance, with many stops on the way. It's only when we reach our destination that we can get off the train.
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